


The Brightest

by Lanezeria



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Depression, F/M, Heavy Angst, M/M, Maybe don't read it first thing in the morning, Suicide, at least, it doesn't end bad, not that bad, or last thing before bed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-11
Updated: 2017-11-11
Packaged: 2019-01-31 19:11:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12688455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lanezeria/pseuds/Lanezeria
Summary: Kagami commits suicide, and Aomine discovers what his husband's been thinking as it all fell apart for him. This is a long ass pure angst and feels.





	The Brightest

I wish we had “forever”. I wish I could show you all the colors, all the lights— all the possibilities like you did to me. “Your light is too dim, Taiga— It’s fading away.”

I’m staring at his face for the past hour… maybe hours. I lost track. His brows look as cocky as they did in our first meeting. His lips are chapped and blue, his skin, ghost pale.

He’s beautiful. He was always beautiful, and he still is.

I feel numb, exhausted and dry from all the tears. The only sound in the room is his heart monitor, making the “beeeee…..” sound, showing straight lines, patches disconnected from his body. It doesn’t matter. It won’t show anything else even if it was connected.

He won’t come back to life.

* * *

 

Doctor Midorima walks in to check ~~on us~~ … on me, to see if I’ve calmed down.  
I broke down when I saw him lying unconscious and… dead.  
“Have you calmed down? Aomine.” His voice is as calm and cool as ever.

“You know… I owe him my life. My career, my friends, my youth— my whole entire life, I owe it to this idiot. He just came out of nowhere and never stopped shining. That’s why I loved him. I’ve never seen him like this before. So lifeless and ... untouchable.”

He quietly listens to me as I go on about Taiga, until he says,  
“Tell those stuff to Kuroko or Momoi. They’re waiting for you outside. You can say your final goodbye to Kagami.”

“I’m not… ready, to let him go.” I’ll never be ready to let him go. Midorima sighs.

“Aomine. We must let him rest properly. We can’t drag him around any longer, and it’s not like he’ll wake up if he’s out here.”

Maybe he will. Maybe he’ll wake up and say “Why do you look like the world is ending, idiot.” and smile like he always does. I say “I know.” but I don’t move. He sighs again and I can tell he’s also exhausted.

“Let him rest, Aomine. He doesn’t need any more pain. The last thing he’ll want is to rot on a hospital bed while you’re watching.”

“Maybe death is contagious, and if I’m here long enough, I can join him.” Even I don’t get what the fuck I’m saying. I can imagine Midorima looking down and away, fixing his glasses, and giving up the nice talk to get to the point.

“Look. Lament over him for as long as you want, but I need you to pay respect to his body. The nurses are coming in any minute, so say your last goodbye and go home. Besides, Kagami won’t forgive you if you’re just going to waste your life here.”

I feel like a glass… too fragile for even a normal conversation. But I don’t care. Don’t have the strength to care anymore. Not today. Can’t today. “…You’re as cold as ever, Midorima.”

“…What’s your point?” he replies, his voice restrained. “It’s my job to do the best I can to heal people, but if that fails, all I can do is to deliver them to death with utmost respect. It’s not like I don’t understand how you’re feeling. But people die. That’s the reality.”

Are you talking about Takao? I couldn’t say it out loud.

“I think that’s enough, Midorima-kun.” Tetsu and Satsuki came in. Her eyes are still red and swollen. Tetsu doesn’t look any better either. “Thank you for your hard work, Midorima-kun. Please take care of Kagami-kun’s body. Even though he never admitted it, he respected you. I’m glad he’s in good hands.” Midorima shrugs it off.

The nurses came in to take his body. I take off his wedding ring and hold on to it tightly. I still don’t want to move. I don’t want to let him fade away so easily.  
So we sit there as the sun goes down.

The three of us start talking about old high school memories. I can’t look away from the empty bed. Satsuki and Tetsu are trying to cheer me up, even though they’re not completely calm themselves. No use. Satsuki starts crying again.

“We need to go, Aomine-kun.” Tetsu urges.

“I know.”

Now it’s Tetsu who’s sighing. “Aomine-kun. Why don’t we try looking around your house if he’s left anything? He must’ve at least explained himself about why he did it, and if he had anything to tell us… to tell you.”

I feel my face stiffening, feeling sick just from the thought. “I’m… not ready. I’m scared, Tetsu. What if it was my fault? What if I could’ve done something to prevent this from happening?”

“We all have a good idea about the cause. None of us could’ve done anything about it. Not even you, Aomine-kun.”

Suicide.

Probably the last thing you would’ve thought he’d do.

Three days ago on a Sunday, we were watching the NBA finals DVD with everyone from GoM and some old high school friends, at Tetsu’s place. The Cavaliers won the game. I just came back from America a week ago after the game, and that was our celebration.  
This morning, Tetsu came to return the DVD we forgot at his place.  
That happened a lot recently. Taiga forgetting to pay at the grocery store, so the clerk had to call him out. Forgetting to make his bed. Forgetting to sort out the produce from the frozen food, and putting everything together in the freezer, so we ended up eating hot pot for three days straight.  
Every time I found something he forgot I’d quietly do it for him, because when he found out himself, he starts cursing and blaming himself.  
“Stupid”, “Useless”, “Worthless” were used for the small stuff. The more serious things called for rampages and curses in English and heavy sighs here and there.

When Tetsu came, the front door was open. He must’ve forgotten to lock the door—  
or maybe he wanted someone to come find him. He was lying on the couch, barely conscious, with an empty box of Ravona beside him; one of those banned sleeping pills with fatal side effect.

* * *

 

Tetsu and Satsuki followed me home so that they’re sure I’ve arrived. What would happen to a +190cm tall guy huh? Or maybe they were afraid I’d cause a scene.  
I’m too tired for that.

I go straight to the bedroom and crash into the bed. It’s 11: 49pm.  
I haven’t eaten anything since noon, but I’m not hungry.

This is all just a bad dream. It must be. I’ll wake up tomorrow with Kagami beside me if I can be early. I’ll kiss him while he’s still asleep, and if that wakes him up, I’ll tell him I had a bad dream and snuggle up with him to sleep some more. Or he’ll wake me up saying,  
“Wake up, idiot, breakfast’s ready. It’s a Japanese breakfast today. You’ve been nagging me to make it since you came back, now hurry up or I’ll eat them all.”

And we’ll eat breakfast. Together.

* * *

 

The next morning, I woke up at 7:36 am.

—It wasn’t a dream.

I got out of bed after looking around for a bit. The longer I stay in bed, the more it reminded me of his absence. He’s really gone. Gone from this world.

I’m going out to distract myself because I can’t. Fucking. Take. This.

It doesn’t help much. Everywhere I go reminds me of him; the streets, the grocery, the station, Maji burgers… and the basketball court.

The last time he played was probably five years ago before the accident happened.  
On a summer night when he was back from America, we were going back to his place, from streetball with the GoM and others when a car came crashing into the sidewalk. He was trying to push away the middle school kids from the car, and got hit himself. I couldn’t stop him. The car didn’t stop before it hit him hard on the hip, flipping him to the ground and running over his left leg, breaking several major bones and injuring the muscles. I couldn’t move while it happened in front of me, and before I could go grab that fucking piece of shit out of his car, the police came. Turns out he was running away from the police, completely drunk, with several bags of drugs in the car. The driver was imprisoned for repeated drunk driving and drug use.  
We sought out numerous doctors, both in Japan and in America, but every one of them said playing professional basketball with his legs was impossible.  
But he’s Kagami Taiga. He doesn’t give up so easily. He got the surgery in America, went on to rehabilitation, and also trained his legs for three years without missing a day. He got better at everyday activities pretty soon, but he still couldn’t play basketball. He couldn’t run fast enough, let alone jumping.

After walking around the city for a few hours, going over all the memories we had and successfully making myself feel shittier, I came back home.  
“Home” feels so empty and cold without him.  
The rooms are a constant reminder of just how gone he is, and how sad and bitter I am.

So I let the bitterness take me over, and break me down.

* * *

 

One week passed since he took his life. I was mostly at my parents’ house. I lost all my appetite, and I’m almost getting used to being sad and numb all the time.  
I should be back in America by now, but there’s no way I’m going back in months.

We held his funeral four days after his death, just among the people who were closest to him. Alex needed time to get here to Japan, but otherwise, the funeral went smoothly. He probably wanted to be buried with his parents, but they happen to be in America, so he’s resting with the Aomine family. I’m really sorry Taiga. When my time comes, I’ll be sure to die in Japan so that I can rest next to you.

I decided to look through his browsing history and found out he was considering suicide for the last few months. There’s this site called “For everyone who’s considering suicide”, with information on how and when to kill yourself— a guide for a successful suicide. No wonder Japan has a high suicide rate.  
He’s been on it several times, and yep, there’s the info about sleeping pills, though apparently, he got the info about Ravona in particular from another medical site. No idea how he got the actual pill. It’s not around these days since being discovered dangerous.

> _‘He must’ve at least explained himself about why he did it, and if he had anything to tell us… to tell you’_

I asked Tetsu to come help me find anything he might’ve left. It was too painful to do it alone.  
In the fridge, he prepared days worth of food with a note _“Eat well. Don’t you dare neglect your health, Ahomine Daiki.”_  
There’s an open notebook beside the TV with the whereabouts of everything in the house, a daily routine to keep the house clean, hours and dates for when the garbage truck and the recycling truck will come to collect the garbage etc.  
There are notes on the complicated stuff like the washing machine, iron, oven, coffee machine etc., about how to get it to work properly and how to clean it or put it away afterward.

Damn, he prepared well for this. And I’ve been oblivious to it all. Fuck, he even wrote down some easy and healthy recipes that I can make. Who’s the useless one here, huh, Taiga? Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fucking. Useless. Shit.

I’m interrupted from my thoughts; “Aomine-kun. We’re almost done. I don’t think I should look around your bedroom. I’m sure there’s something there he’s not okay with anyone else but you to see.”

I recompose myself. “Yeah… Can you stay a little longer? I don’t think I can take it alone. I’ll make you some coffee.”

“I understand. Momoi-san said she’s coming after her work, too.”

“Then I’ll make coffee for two. You can heat it up for her when she comes. How to work the machine is on the note Taiga left.”

“Got it.” He stays in the living room, sitting in a chair. He’s been avoiding the couch. Of course he would, he saw him dying there. But in Tetsu’s case, he probably thinks it’s disrespectful.

My legs feel heavier as I go to the bedroom.

We have two nightstands on each side of our bed.  
On the stand on Taiga’s side, there are two photographs, one from when he was little with his mom and dad, and the other is the two of us on the beach— I’m only half smirking, but he’s smiling with a glee. There’s also his ring necklace he got with Himuro, and his phone, turned off.  
In the drawer of the stand, there are three small notebooks, two pens, sleeping pill (safer one), anti-depressants, and a pocket tissue.

The notebooks say “random thoughts” on their first page. He’s been using it to quiet his mind to sleep. Whether it worked for him or not is a different matter though. He recently switched to sleeping pills.

One of them dates way back to high school. I start scanning through the pages. 

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

> _“Practice match with GoM Kise Ryouta tomorrow! Haven’t been this excited about basketball in a while.”_

It kinda pisses me off how his opening sentence is about Kise, but whatever. I’m his husband… the husband who “couldn’t stop him from taking his life”, but still his husband.

 

 

 

 

 

> _“IH, final with Shuutoku! Another GoM!”_

_..._

 

 

 

> _“IH Final league. Definitely gonna win against that Aomine bastard!”_

…

 

 

 

 

 

> _“We’re entering the official WC!! I’ll show you this time, Aomine!”_

…

 

 

 

 

 

> _“WC Final tomorrow! We’re finally here! We’ll be the No.1 in Japan!!”_

…

 

 

 

 

 

> _“Aomine’s coming over tomorrow! Marinate the chicken for Kara-age! We’re having 1on1 tomorrow! He cancelled the one before, but I’m not gonna let him get away with it so easily this time.”_

Can’t suppress a smile before the sadness swallows me again.

…

 

 

 

 

 

> _“Aomine fell asleep while texting. We were arguing about who’s the best NBA player and he said he thinks I’m better than a lot of the players there. He was probably half asleep. I can’t imagine Aomine praising someone like that, especially not me. What’s he thinking?”_

_..._

 

 

 

> _“Aomine’s basketball is a fucking masterpiece. The face he made while saying he wants to stay over and eat my food was adorable, it’s pissing me off that I’m still thinking about it.”_

_..._

 

 

 

> _“Dad is being hospitalized again. Worried. I’ll give him a call as soon as I wake up, but gotta sleep now or Sempai’s gonna kill me. Not a good joke for both the father and son to end up on a hospital bed.”_

Not a good joke, Taiga.

 

 

…

 

 

 

> _“We’re crushing the Jabberwock tomorrow. Pricks gonna regret what they said and done… I’ll think about Aomine’s confession later.”_

Hey, Bakagami, take it seriously. I come after a basketball match, huh? I notice myself chuckle… I can’t help it. I miss him so fucking much.

…

 

 

 

 

 

> _“Got my acceptance letter from the league today. Shit, it’s really happening. I’ll be playing for the NBA for real.”_

He was good. So good, they constantly put him on front covers of sports magazines, and every news and almost every TV shows in Japan couldn’t shut up about “The rising star of the basketball world” for a while.

…

 

 

 

 

 

> _“Going back to Japan for a break. Excited to see what everyone’s up to. Excited to see Aomine after so long.”_
> 
> _“Having streetball with everyone from GoM, Tatsuya, and the guys from high school tomorrow!! Playing with these guys is always exciting.”_

* * *

 

That’s the last passage in the first notebook. It’s from the night before the accident.

The second notebook starts around when he’s recovered enough for daily activities. I already moved to America and started playing for The Cavaliers. I gave him tickets for the game as a recovery gift. He came to watch with Alex and some of his old American friends.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

> _“Finally going to see Aomine play for the NBA in person! It’s been a while since I watched him play.”_

…

 

 

 

 

 

> _“Aomine proposed today. I said ‘Yes’. Can’t shake off the surprise. He said he’ll wait for my recovery before we have sex. Come to think of it, we never had the chance. I’m sorry, Aomine. I love you.”_

  
“I love you too,” I say under my breath. My heart sank at his absence.

… 

 

 

 

 

> _“We’re house hunting this week. Dad’s health is improving, I can finally move in with Aomine. I wanted somewhere near the beach so we’re going to the beach tomorrow. I wonder if he’ll be mad if I bring my surfboard? I’ll promise I’ll be careful with my leg.”_

  
He wasn’t. I ended up calling Alex and dragging him away from the beach, because damn. He tried to fucking stand on the board with that leg, ten feet away from the shore! That’s Kagami Taiga for you. A slight grin sneaks onto my face.  
…

 

 

 

 

 

> _“It’s been two years since the accident. I can do most daily activities, but still can’t run. I try not to be consumed by the fear and doubt, but it’s still keeping me awake at night.”_

…

 

 

 

 

 

> _“Aomine was fucking AMAZING today. He completely owned the court, and led the team to victory. I couldn’t stop getting chills. We celebrated with burgers and pizza, and then… we had sex. My whole body is sore but I don’t want to fall asleep. I think I can spend the night just looking at his sleeping face. The man sleeping next to me, exhausted and victorious, is my fiancée. Only mine.”_

  
“Only yours. Forever.”

…

 

 

 

 

 

> _“Wedding day tomorrow. Tatsuya, the GoM guys and some of our friends from high school just arrived from Japan this morning. Nervous as shit, can’t sleep.”_

…

 

 

 

 

 

> _“Call dad asap after waking up. Can’t reach him for three days, day and night. Worried sick.”_

…

 

 

 

 

 

> _“Bad dream. I saw Daiki walking away and leaving me in the dark. The ground was shaking until it crumbled to void and I fell down. My legs felt strangled and I couldn’t see them. What if I won’t fully recover? What if I’ll never be able to play basketball again? What if could never play with Daiki again as an equal, let alone_ staying as _his rival. It’s scaring the shit out of me. I feel fucking worthless.”_

…

 

 

 

 

 

> _“Dad passed away. Heart attack. Daiki’s away for the game. Don’t wanna make him worried, so I’ll keep it silent till he’s back tomorrow… I wish I’d spent more time with dad… Will prepare for the funeral tomorrow, but not a good time to think right now.”_

 

* * *

That’s the last passage from the second notebook.

The third one begins a year later. His hope for a full recovery had completely gone. He wanted to try working as a coach in Japan. He didn’t like the job. He probably just wanted to feel like he’s worth something.  
I don’t want to open the notebook. I was mostly away from Japan, so I don’t know much about this period of his life.

But I remind myself, it’s the last one, a piece of him he left behind— a proof that he lived.  
I take a deep breath, and start scanning through the pages.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

> _“I feel like I’m cornering myself into a trap. Like there’s no way through this and no going back. Literally, no fucking way back.”_

…to how it used to be.

…

 

 

 

 

 

> _“Been having nightmares lately. There was just darkness, nothing else. Can’t see anything, can’t move either. Completely paralyzed but still wide awake in the dream.”_

…

 

 

 

 

 

> _“The rising star who was SUPPOSED to be a shining star. I’m sick of it. Every fucking place I go for anything related with basketball, they give me that ‘poor guy’ look. I know my life got fucked up, what the fuck do you want me to do?? I’m fucking tired of this shit.”_

…

 

 

 

 

 

> _“I don’t want to sleep. These days, I’m more often just in bed, unable to get myself out. There are also days like today when I don’t ever want to shut my eyes. What’s the point of it anyway if there’s nothing to look forward to in the morning?”_

…

 

 

 

 

 

> _“Tatsuya’s coming over tomorrow. I’m rarely this excited these days, except for when Daiki comes back every few weeks/months. At least, I’m still capable of SOME excitement.”_

…

 

 

 

 

 

> _“Takao passed away. Cancer. It blew us all, but Midorima seemed to be affected the most. Apparently, Daiki and I are invited for his funeral, even though we weren’t that close. Are they really fine with it? I would’ve wanted only the ones closest to me to come to mine. Daiki will be back in three days.”_

…

 

 

 

 

 

> _“I wonder if life is easier with drugs and alcohols. I wonder if it’s easier to drown myself in alcohol and get wasted, hook up with random girls and guys, and just ignore reality like that. Las Vegas style, huh. That’d be fun. But every time I feel tempted, which is almost every day, I remember the worthless shit of a driver who came crashing into those middle school kids. Thanks to him, I can’t escape my reality even for a day; it’s a fucking joke. Sometimes I want to take him out of the jail and scream at his face, YOU RUINED MY LIFE, YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!! IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT!!!! As if that’d make the situation any better.”_

…

 

 

 

 

 

> _“Midorima said he wants to introduce me to a psychiatrist he_ know _. Kuroko and Tatsuya have been urging me for a_ check up _too. They said I’m “not acting myself”, whatever the fuck that means. I don’t want to. It’s like they’re dealing with something broken and wants to fix it. As if it can be “fixed” just like that. I AM NOT A FUCKING BROKEN THING.”_

…

 

 

 

 

 

> _“…I gave_ up, because _in the end, it doesn't matter. Nothing does. I’ve been seeing this psychiatrist and taking anti-depressants. Life is still meaningless to me, just without most of the irritation and anger. Do they just want a human machine or what? And what’s the point of that machine if he’s still this reliant on others?”_

…

 

 

 

 

 

> _“It’s been a while since I last watched an NBA match. The last time I watched, the Cavs won the game, and Daiki was as glorious as ever. I can’t bear to see him win. It’s like I’m constantly being reminded of my own worthlessness and I hate it. I’m a fucking loser. I should be happy that my husband is such a genius. I’m glad he’s not always here. I can’t face him like this.”_

…

 

 

 

 

 

> _“I haven’t been as irritated these days because of the pills, but I feel completely invisible. Without basketball, my life is meaningless. I wonder if anyone will be sad if I just died? Will anyone miss me? Am I even worth missing?”_  

* * *

 

That’s the last one.

I notice Satsuki’s voice from the living room: “Dai-chan, I’m here if you need me, okay?” Her voice is warm and gentle.

* * *

I had to calm myself before I go to the living room.

How long was he going through this?  
We all thought he was getting better around the time he started taking anti-depressants. The last passage was from a year ago. How the fuck could none of us fucking see he wasn’t actually okay at all??

After taking few minutes to process what I read and failing, I go to the living room. Tetsu and Satsuki are sitting at the table, talking softly, empty coffee cups and dessert plates in front of them, and a small carton box.  
“…I found something he was writing.” I start talking. “This is the closest I got to knowing what he was thinking and I…” the words don’t come out.  
I what? Might’ve been able to do something? Should’ve been there for him? Then what? I could’ve made a difference? That’s not true. I’m weak… fucking powerless. I feel my breath getting heavier and my throat tightening.

“Aomine-kun, do you want coffee? Momoi-san brought some cakes.”

I look at the box, “No, I’m good. I don’t want anything. I’m just… I need some time. It’s getting late you guys should go home now. I’ll take care of the dishes.”

“You’re not going with us?”

“I think I’ll stay here tonight.”

“Dai-chan.” Satsuki takes out a book from her handbag. ”I got this book on the way here. It’s a guide for suicide survivors. Apparently, that’s what we’re called: _Suicide Survivors_. It’s a short read, it doesn’t even take an hour.” She hands me the book. I take it.  
“Then, we’re leaving Dai-chan! I’ll tell aunt and uncle that you’re not coming home tonight, but make sure you give them a call yourself, okay?” she smiles and drags Tetsu out to the hallway.

“Then, we’ll be going. There’s only one cake left in the box, so neither of us can take it back to our family.” Tetsu says with a slight smile, as they put on their shoes.  
“You don’t have to force yourself Dai-chan. I forgot how much Kagamin liked that bakery. I only realized it after I got them.” She smiles awkwardly.

“Don’t worry about it.” I say “Take care home.”

Satsuki walks off with a “Got it. Thanks.” And a smile, Tetsu bows a little with a “well then,” and finds her hand as they walk away.

* * *

 

Later that night, before I went to bed, I decided to look through what’s in the drawer in the nightstand on my side. There’s a short letter. I take a deep breath and start reading.

 

 

 

 

 

> _“Daiki, the brightest shining star, my husband— My everything._  
>  _I’m no longer someone who can stand proudly by your side. I’m sorry for doing this to you. I might be weak, but to the very end, I’ve always… always loved you._
> 
> _For the last time, I hope you will allow me to call myself: Your husband… Aomine Taiga._  
>  _…I love you.”_

Sharp pang in my chest followed by tight throat, heavy breathing and tears. I read and re-read the letter as the tears stream out of my eyes for the next half an hour. I hold the letter tightly to my chest, wanting to be as close as possible with the words Taiga left for me. Wanting to keep it close, as I would Taiga if he was here with me. I’m sorry, Taiga. I’m sorry I couldn’t help you. I’m sorry I was a fucking coward and couldn’t dare to bring up the serious talk. I’m sorry you had to go through everything you’ve been through. I’m sorry I couldn’t be there for you. I’m sorry, Taiga. I love you. I’m sorry… I’m sorry. I love you….

* * *

 

I fell asleep around 4 am that day.

The next day, I woke up at noon— hungry. It’s been a while since I felt hungry, so I went straight to the fridge. There are rice, mapo tofu, and ginger pork— all gone bad. In the freezer, I found ten hamburger patties, dumplings, meatballs, sliced pork, and ice cream. I made myself a tea and fried dumplings and ate it on the couch.

I went out to get grocery, stopped for about three hours at the streetball court for a game, came back home, and made some of the recipes Taiga left for me. They were good. For dessert, I ate the cake Satsuki brought yesterday. It’s the one Taiga liked the most.

In the evening, I called my manager in America to say I’m going back in two weeks. I feel calm and ready to take action.

Taiga, I hope you’re watching. I’ll show you more than you’ve ever imagined. With you by my side, I’ll shine two times brighter, and stronger. Watch me become the best player in the world, or maybe in history.  
Watch over me for now, I won’t make you wait too long… I’ll be joining you after I made history.

Until then, watch over me, my only star…

**Author's Note:**

> I find it sad that depression is actually pretty common, and apparently, it's especially hard to notice in men, so men have higher suicide rate.  
> Did you know, men and women experience depression differently? Women tend to feel lonely and dwell on their feelings, while men tend to distract themselves with drugs, alcohol, sex, and become irritable and angry. Keyword: "Tend to", because I've been in a severe depression myself, and as a woman, I'm no stranger to the temptations for alcohol, drug, and sex as well. Some of you might know the feeling, too.  
> I still have chronic depression, and sometimes, it hits hard. It was one of those times, and I needed to let it out somehow. A lot of the thoughts Kagami was thinking was my actual thoughts when I was in severe depression.  
> Also, the site for "Successful Suicide" and the effect of Ravona are both real. It's pretty fucked up.


End file.
